I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
