Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
