Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
