At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
