There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
