ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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