highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
