Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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