Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
