You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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