you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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