Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
