I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
