And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
