you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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