you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
