I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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