Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
