Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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