im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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