I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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