is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
PS: I just woke up from my shower
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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