She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
