I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My dick has a subreddit
Randomize
