you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
