He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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