Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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