I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
