I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize