i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
