But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
