Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
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