Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
my nose is crying tears of wow.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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