I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
