I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
