i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
