I am puke
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
