can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
