she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
