I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
