I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just threw up on my dentist
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
