If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
