I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Sex in the backyard? Check.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
