I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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