I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
