i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
