Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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