He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
