Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
well you can't waste a boner
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
