last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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