Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
