A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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