We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
