I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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