ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
