Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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