small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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