I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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