So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
