so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
