is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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