i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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