I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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