kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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