Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
