Soap is not a condiment
the condom got lost in my hair
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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