Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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