I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
