The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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