Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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