Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Four minutes until I can fart!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
