I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
