i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
