Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
