Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize