UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
