I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
