My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
