Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
