She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
