We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize