I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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