So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
