my phone needs a breathalizer
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
