Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
