Too much gin, very little bucket
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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