I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
