I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
