fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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